A combination of university work and other matters have prevented me from posting. I will be back…
A few months ago I flew the coup, I left home for university. I arrived with a pit in my stomach and stiffness in my bones. A reluctance to be here. I was scared, of everything, I was scared to go out and live, and everything seemed to be against me. Everyday like the last; dark and overcast. Everyday my feet wet from the rain. Everyday I felt drained.
Everyday just made me feel abit further from who I wanted to be.
I remember one night similar to this one. I couldn’t sleep-as usual. I sat at my desk, looked out the window and smoked my last cigarette.
The smoke trickled out of my mouth, dancing in the air whisking around around me. Slowly I notice the sky become bright pink, almost like cherry blossom. So incredibly intense yet fading away and undulating in the sky.
It was at that point when I began to realise that I loved being here. I loved the arduous walk home in the cold. I loved sitting in a lecture not understanding a word. I loved sitting on the floor because there was no space. I loved the ominous grey clouds above my head. I loved the rain. Suddenly it just clicked I worked it out, I understood that living here I had to embrace it.
Now I’m not scared.
Sitting in the pub today with a group of friends from university, I started to think about the time that I had left with them. Maybe not in a grim, dark sense but in the sense that we are young and we aren’t living together next year, so how much we get to see eachother and put the world to rights is limited.
One thing that I have learned from university in the few months of being here is that you need to live your life with people you want to be with and doing things you want to do.
University has given me an urgency to live. To learn. To have fun. To expand views. To talk to people, and spend time with those few people that matter.
So yeah as I’m changing this into a blog I will try an post one or two times a day, most likely whatever’s going on in my head and some music old or new once a week, and then anything else that takes my interest